Anxiety & Depression, Bipolar, chronic illness, ileostomy, inflammatory bowel disease

You Are Not Unloveable.  Just Wait.

I have Ulcerative Colitis, A Permanent Ileostomy, And Arthritis.

I have Bipolar Disorder: Depression, Anxiety, Mood Swings.

I am overweight.

I am a single mom.

Who in they’re right fucking mind would take a mess like that and love them to pieces?  

I truly thought no one.  And if someone did show interest there was an ulterior motive, or they were somehow as fucked up as me.

And that’s what I felt I deserved.  

After all, someone who is “normal” with their shit together obviously deserved someone better than me.

But let me tell you.  There are people out there who don’t see it the same way I do.  They don’t see the brokenness as a burden or the illness as an inconvenience.

So wait.

Wait for the one who sees beyond the exterior.

The one who knows that life is messy and sees the strength behind your story.

The one who tells you you’re beautiful and means it.

The one who wants to take the burden of life and somehow make it easier for you.

The one who doesn’t mind showing up, day after day, reminding you that you are bigger than your beasts.

The one who will quietly occupy your child while you lay depressed and numb in the bed.

The one that will take initiative and plan an outing because you haven’t moved from the house in days.

The one who will go out late at night to buy epsom salt for your aching body and then rub your feet because they know how much you hurt.

The one that will sleep by the hospital bed after another surgery, and make you smile when you’re laying there in a medicated stupor.

The one who will be there when you’re feeling well.  The one who will be there when you’re not.  The one who’s in it for the long haul.

The one who buys books to read about your illnesses because they desperately want to understand.

The one who makes it easy to talk about the ugly stuff.  And then challenges the negative thoughts and helps find solutions for the problems that arise due to your health conditions.

The one who isn’t afraid of you, but mesmerized by your strength, your resilience, and your unwavering hope that things will always be able to get better.

Just wait.

You’re more than your illness, your ailments.  The same experiences that make you feel unloveable are the ones that inspire so many others.

So wait.

You deserve it all.

Sincerely,

One Flawsome Momma

Author: oneflawsomemomma

RN, Inspirational, and Mom(mish) Blogger: Reflections on Life and Remembering I'm Human.

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