Anxiety & Depression, chronic illness, Inspirational, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Overthinking

When you feel held back from greatness because of your Mental Illness 

This hit home for me tonight…

I’m laying in bed, still slightly lethargic from my latest depression and new med addition.  

But, in my head, are finally clearing thoughts that aren’t so negative.  It’s like the cloud is lifting and my creativity is again infusing the brain that felt useless for a whole week.  

Recently, I was offered a position at work that I would have normally jumped at.  It was a good learning opportunity, but would have been a challenge walking in to help clean things up and turn things around.  It would have required more dedication and more on call hours.  

I like a challenge.  When I’m well I am so productive, creative, and innovative.  I feel like I connect with people and I make positive changes.

But, with the nature of my illness, I can’t count on being well all of the time.  I can’t maintain a fast pace and crazy schedules and loads of stress… not for long periods at least.  

I’ve learned through counseling that these are triggers for me.

The best thing to maintain stability is to work where I have flexibility, but normal hours.  Where I have some autonomy to be creative, and where I can maintain some routine and structure.  Stress is inevitable in any position, but mostly manageable.  

And that’s exactly what I have right now.  So, although I am “capable” of the position, I chose not to pursue it.  This was a decision that made my Mental Health a priority.  And it was rational and pretty big according to my counselor.

But this has me thinking… I have Bipolar Disorder and Chronic Illness/Ileostomy, and although I am capable of doing BIG things, I may never do them.  

My health has to be my priority and I have to set healthy boundaries – and yet I feel robbed.  I feel like I have these limitations and it just plain sucks.

So, I have a question for my readers… because I’m curious and looking for some way to rationalize this…..

Do you feel your Mental Illness or Chronic Illness has limited your ability to pursue greater things?

If so, how do you cope with that?  How do you accept it?  

Is it just a matter of mindset? 

 “I’m capable, but I choose not to”

“I could do that, but I’m not capable because of the limitations of my body and mind”

Anyway, I would really appreciate your feedback.  

Thank you,

One Flawsome Momma

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Author: oneflawsomemomma

RN, Inspirational, and Mom(mish) Blogger: Reflections on Life and Remembering I'm Human.

5 Comments on “When you feel held back from greatness because of your Mental Illness 

  1. “I am capable of doing BIG things, I may never do them.”

    Sounds like a good plan and knowing our limitations is sensible. But I would say don’t dare to dare anymore. Have goals and dreams and go for it. A sense of accomplishment now and then is profoundly good medicine for depression, bi-polar and anxiety. I know. Don’t fear setbacks. I am better not only for battles won but also for battles lost – I was not on the couch. I was not a spectator. I was in the arena.

    1. I love your outlook. For me stability is number one, but I don’t want to give up either. I think it’s balance and compromise aligned with goals and ambition. The all or nothing mentality is hard to beat.

  2. Your post has really hit home with me, and the Meredith quote woke me up when she said it in the show too! I used to push myself and end up in really great jobs and have amazing opportunities, but my mental illness always caught up with me eventually. I had my dream job as a photographer but after a year my head took over and I ruined it, got fired and am still trying to look for a job I can ‘do’.
    I recently had a full hip replacement so that has added to my list of ‘things to remember when deciding to do anything’. I am super creative, organised to the point of annoying, and my head bursts with ideas and inspiration all the time, but I also tell myself I shouldn’t try something I know I can do because I might have another bad day and get fired again, i’m scared of disappointing myself again, so I chose not to even try anymore, which is disappointing. So the vicious cycle continues.

    1. I understand the vicious cycle. It’s so disheartening to have the ability to do things and yet not have the mental or physical capacity to maintain momentum. It’s frustrating. 😔

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