Anxiety & Depression, Parenting

Dear Anxiety: You Will Not Take My Daughter Hostage

Dear Anxiety,

You are a sneaky little bastard, aren’t you?  For as long as I can remember you have made your way into my life and riddled me in fear.

Sometimes your presence is subtle and other times your presence engulfs me and swallows me whole.

You love to remind me who is in control.  You love rendering me helpless.  And oh how you like to take my breath away.  You bring along your friends to join in on the pity party and have a field day with my brain.

Guilt.  Shame.  Fear.

In the past, when you and your friends have shown up I’ve surrendered myself to you.  I allowed you to hurt me.  I allowed you to make me feel like there were no solutions.  Everything I tolerated by you manifested itself into loneliness, isolation, self hatred, self pity.  You are so cruel.

It took a long time to distance myself from you.  I still feel the pang of your existence sometimes and when I do I know that I have to center myself.  I have to allow myself to let you pass through without saying hello.  And I am getting better.  I am stronger.  I am resilient.

But dammit if you didn’t insert yourself into my daughters life.  Why?  How dare you.  I know how toxic you are.  I know how scary you can look.  I know how you operate.  And here you are, showing up to cause my little one distress.  It took me years to learn how to ignore you and your destructive ways and now you’re preying on the one person I would take my life for.

What I want you to know is this.  You may succeed temporarily, but you will not win this battle.  I am a strong woman.  I am a resilient woman.  I am a problem solver.  I am a MOTHER.  You will not take my daughter hostage and bind her to a life of fear.  As long as I am her mother I will find a way to uncover your ugliness and show her who you really are.  I will expose you in all of your lies.  I will destroy you.

Please consider this your warning.

Sincerely,

One Flawsome Momma

 

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Author: oneflawsomemomma

RN, Inspirational, and Mom(mish) Blogger: Reflections on Life and Remembering I'm Human.

15 Comments on “Dear Anxiety: You Will Not Take My Daughter Hostage

  1. I love how this post shows how similar to an abusive relationship anxiety and depression can be, I genuinely felt moved by this post. As a person who suffers from anxiety myself I can completely relate and it terrifies me that one day my boys may have to suffer as we have. I hope you daughter overcomes it quickly.

  2. Anxiety riddles more people than we will ever know due to the stigma that it holds. People will, unfortunately, continue to suffer in silence as I did for a lot of years. No more!
    “Flawsome” that you have the grace and courage to speak of it! I hope it is okay to say that I am praying for both you and your daughter.

    1. Yes indeed. There is no reason to suffer in silence. I’ve developed a stance where I am going to speak out and if someone doesn’t want to understand it’s on them. I have enough people in my corner who believe in me and my daughter despite the anxiety. Thank you for the prayers. 💕

      1. As juvenile as it sounds I actually sing/say the ABCs out loud when I am having a full on attack. When my children are around my oldest will chim in. It helps focus my mind on something else. I will repeat 2-3 times until I start to calm down. The other thing that has helped me is intake of fatty acids coconut oil and avocados. I know that seems odd. But, I have to eat 3-4 avocados a week and if I don’t I notice a huge difference in my triggers. I am able to live without any medication, which is what is important to me. I feel for your daughter and I hope it will loosen its grip on her.

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