humility, moms, Parenting, Uncategorized

How I Became a More Humble Mother in One Summer

“I’m better at _______.”  “”You’re not as good as me at ________.”

Both statements that I cringe to when I hear them come out of my daughters mouth.  Don’t get me wrong, she is incredibly thoughtful, caring, gentle and sweet – but sometimes, like any 9 year old, she can be brutally honest/downright nasty, or overinflating in her abilities to make herself feel better.

Last summer I pulled out an old Webster Dictionary and had her look up the word “Humility” after being extremely boastful at the expense of another child on the trampoline.  Here is what we found,

Humility – a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness

This meant absolutely nothing to her.  Honestly, it didn’t mean anything to me.  It didn’t capture the true essence of what humility is, but I was at a loss of words in how to describe it.  It bothered me, because I felt that a lesson that could have been much more meaningful was lost due to my inability to articulate the essence of one of the values I hold dearest to my heart.

Over the next few weeks I was overly critical every time she wasn’t being “humble” in my eyes.  Every time she displeased me, I would say, “Now, Ayla – that is NOT being HUMBLE.”

After a few weeks of this she had had enough.  She said, “MOM, I’m sorry!  You think I’m the worst kid in the world, don’t you?  You must hate me!”

I was flabbergasted.  To be honest, while I was pointing out all of the times she wasn’t practicing humility, I forgot to praise her on the times when she was.  Overly critical, demanding, and worried more about my pride as a parent were not great ways to set an example on humility.

Pride vs. Humility- something to look at and think about during Lent:

Sometimes, as parents, I think we are so focused on teaching that we forget to lead by example.  This experience was truly humbling for me.  I don’t want to be an authoritative parent.  I don’t want her self doubt to be a product of my criticism.

It was in the months following this experience that I changed some of my approaches, and to be honest, I’ve noticed quite an improvement in her behavior.  She’s not perfect, but neither am I.  Here’s some advice from a proud mom.

  1. Volunteer.  I’m blessed to work for 2 assisted living facilities so it makes it easy to find opportunities for her to help out.  She has sung for events, sat with residents, passed out popcorn and entertained during movie time.  Finding something to do outside of ourselves gives purpose and meaning to life.  I want my daughter to understand this so I provide her with the opportunity to do so.
  2. Spend Quality Time and Listen.  Often when my daughter is being overly confident in front of her friends I feel it’s for attention.  When I started giving her more quality time, verses quantity I noticed a dramatic improvement.
  3. Check Yourself.  Really.  We are the role models.  Sometimes my expectations exceed my own abilities and that is unfair.  I strive to be thoughtful, caring, compassionate, and nonjudgemental to set an example that my daughter can look up to, but it doesn’t always happen that way.
  4. Communicate.  Do I screw up?  Sure thing.  But when I do I explain to her how I could have done something differently.  When I allow myself to be vulnerable and show her I’m flawed, she knows it’s okay for her too.  The important thing is that we always strive to be better.  To do better.

Sometimes we teach our children lessons.  Sometimes they teach us.

And sometimes we learn together.

How do you practice humility in your household?

Sincerely,

One Flawsome Momma

 

 

13 thoughts on “How I Became a More Humble Mother in One Summer”

  1. I remember having my daughter serve alongside me at Citylink. Taking sandwiches to the homeless. God forgive me for I found my own self critical of the care that seemed to be doing nothing but enabling. I expressed it and she picked it up.

    We truly do need to be extremely careful what we say and how we respond. Shes 16 now and loosing my husband, her dad 5 years ago can make this all the more challenging.

    I loved reading this blog and truly am grateful for her uncle who had stepped up in big ways.
    Being a strong male role model where needed and now with prayer and trust in God we will prevail in Him.

    Teens are hard enough but during these strange times we get all the more time wirh them.

    Make it count!

    A mom who needs Jesus every day.

    Like

  2. Brilliant post, I struggle with this with my 7 year old daughter. Sometimes I need to remind myself as adults we are still learning stumbling and messing up yet we hold our children accountable when they are still beginners. When we are mindful of our own actions, lead with intent and compassion we can be confident that our kids will not stray far behind.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Once a month we collect toys and other items that she has outgrown. It’s hard for her…since she is only four…but I talk through it with her. I explain that other children have far less and by giving to others, she can help to put a smile on their face. We talk about all she is blessed with and how others are less fortunate. It is definitely a very humbling experience and one I intend to continue to repeat. She watches me do the same with my belongings…so she can see that is everyone’s responsibility.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Cheri Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s