Divorce, Parenting

One Flawsome Momma: Single Parent Martyrs. Stop.

I was having a lovely conversation with an acquaintance when I happened to mention my blog.  She asked me what it was about and I replied, “Divorce and Being a Single Mom.”

Then she made a statement.  One that left me at a loss for words.

“But you’re not a single mom, he’s involved and pays child support, right?”

I was offended.  I felt like I had to defend my right to call myself a single mom.  It was ludicrous.  She left and I was feeling confused, so I did a little research…. thanks Google!

Apparently there is war on what actually makes a single mom a “single mom”. WTF?  Seriously.  This is absurd.  You can only call yourself a single mom if there isn’t another parent in the picture at all.  Because the mom who gets a break every other weekend just has no fucking idea what it’s like to be physically and emotionally exhausted.  Because the mom who gets child support has no fucking idea what it’s like to bear the financial burden.

It’s like saying, “I’m sorry, I know you have cervical cancer, but I have lung cancer.  I go through more chemo and radiation than you.  I’m more tired than you.  My medical bills are more expensive than yours.  So you don’t really get to say you have cancer because you just don’t know what it’s REALLY like.  You don’t have to go through what I go through.  How dare you?!”  Not that we should compare single parenting to cancer, but as a nurse it was the first fucking analogy I could come up with.

Anyway, see my point?  Instead of embracing our similarities and struggles, and supporting and uplifting one another, we’re arguing about who fucking has it worse.

This is what’s wrong with society today. Everyone worried about what makes them different.  What makes them special. What makes them unique.  Becoming offensive and arguing just to validate a claim to your existence.

What about what makes us similar.  What about using those similarities to inspire, encourage, and empower one another?

Stop being a Single Parent Martyr and start being a Single Parent Supporter.   


One Flawsome Momma


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Author: oneflawsomemomma

RN, Inspirational, and Mom(mish) Blogger: Reflections on Life and Remembering I'm Human.

14 Comments on “One Flawsome Momma: Single Parent Martyrs. Stop.

  1. Being a stay at home dad of two girls under five is tiring and I have a partner who helps me out every. single. night. and weekends… I can’t imagine what being a single parent would be like.. you never get a break, and that alone can drive someone insane! I hope you’ve been able to build a support system around your schedule that gives you some relief from time to time. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I think regardless of our situation or station in life the bottom line is that women, in general, should be supportive of one another. There is such a divide in the world today that it is alarming. Everyone is so argumentative, so quick to be hurt, so quick to be angry. We all have our own interpretation of things based on our experience of the world. No two will be the same. The more we realize this, and begin to practice kindness, the better it will be for everyone. Life shouldn’t be a competition.

  3. That was rude of that person! You’re still a single parent. I don’t get why people have to be like that. We should all just support each other.

      1. If you check out my blog, you’ll see that I wrote a lot of about my daughter’s baby daddy. He has made it very difficult for my daughter and and I at times. So, yes, having the father around is not always easier.

        That said, I also know single moms who rely heavily on their mothers. My mother died years ago. Does that discount their single mom status.

        Link to my blog: http://wp.me/p8eVtG-2rN

  4. I see your point & your acquaintance is an idiot!
    Is she even a mom period?
    She will learn! Famous last words have a way of turning around & becoming a life lesson or karma to humble us.

    I know there are amazing husbands out there but if my experience & circle, the mom still carries the load of care for the children.

    All in all, you’re correct, there are many different home lives & situations today. We need to be caring, supportive, & uplifting to all. 🙂

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